An Apple a Day - Women's T-Shirt Size:L set against a tan woodgrain-textured

set against a tan woodgrain-textured plank framed by a distressed black rectangular border

Elegant white serif text below reads "Short Dead Dude" with a small decorative icon beneath

mouth wide open mid-laugh

Swearing a blood oath over thunder with your sentient teddy bear is the kind of childhood pact that absolutely should not survive into your thirties

but this one felt like home

An Apple a Day - Women's T-Shirt Size:L set against a tan woodgrain-texturedApples went from health advice to self defense the moment someone realized a Honeycrisp at 60 mph solves most interpersonal conflicts. Doctors hate this one weird trick, but not as much as the guy standing 30 feet away. The Details: Large red chunky text reads "An apple a day keeps anyone away." at the top. Smaller green italic text in parentheses reads "(If you throw it hard enough.)" beside a green woodcut style illustration of a smiling farmer in a